Thoughts of the illogical beings
by Laura 2468
Summary: The story of Ensign Vorik, and his first pon farr, told from his perspective. Differs from cannon. Lots of plot and a look at some Vulcan culture. Rated M due to chapter 6. Please review, I want to know what you think of the story :)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was 0300 hours on stardate 5142.78, early on a Monday morning, if you were to ask one of the humans aboard the USS Voyager, whom Ensign Vorik found to be very imprecise. He was in the mess hall, playing Kal'Toh, with commander Tuvok, as was their routine. Routine was agreeable, as routine is a form of personal foundation, which allows life to have a strong structure. It was also agreeable to regularly spend time with Commander Tuvok, the only other Vulcan aboard, as humans were completely baffling to Ensign Vorik.

Often they would spend this scheduled time in silence, contemplating the logic and reasoning behind each move, but on this occasion Commander Tuvok was informing him of some of the wisdom the elder had acquired during his Kohlinar training.

'To purge all violent emotion, not only from the mind, but also from the subconscious, is to truly be as Surak's vision for our world. That an individual would manage to purge all emotion to such a deep level would be admirable, but improbable an achievement for all.'

Vorik pondered this as he moved his piece. The board shimmered but a structure was not fully formed.

'So even the high elders admit that, for example, in love, it is the strength of the emotion that must be purged?' Vorik reasoned 'That, for example, strong desire, before the awakening, could have resulted in violent actions if said feelings were not returned, whereas some small amount of desire, such as to pre-empt the proposition of marriage, would be less of an issue?'

'Indeed' replied Commander Tuvok, moving a piece to complete the game, 'and now, as we both have duty shifts beginning in 7.4 minutes, I suggest we depart.'

Vorik headed to engineering, arrived precisely on time and begun the duties assigned to him.

Today he was carrying out the routine maintenance on the plasma conduits. He noticed his efficiency was down, as it was taking him 16 minutes per conduit, not 15.4 as per usual. He felt a little nauseous and decided that was the cause, however of insufficient concern to warrant a trip to sickbay.

He decided to request his lunch break, as perhaps food would help his efficiency. He approached his commanding officer.

'Lt Torres, may I depart for my midday break now, please?'

'Sure Vorik, smell ya later.' Lt Torres replied cheerfully.

'I do not understand your comment.' Vorik replied, his consistent Vulcan expression masking his confusion 'Do you believe my sonic shower to be malfunctioning?'

'No Vorik, it's a joke, an expression.'

'You wish to express you are aware of my scent. With Human, or indeed Klingon olfactory capacity, this would imply I smell strongly. Of this I was unaware.'

'No Vorik, you do not smell. I cannot smell you. It's just something Humans say sometimes. Go eat your lunch now.' B'elanna said giggling slightly.

Humans were insufferable illogical, and Vorik did not understand them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

While meditating, Vorik decided he should get married.

'It seems logical,' he thought to himself 'as there are a limited number of females on board, and as people take mates this number will reduce.'

So Vorik began contemplating which female would be the most agreeable to be bonded to. He decided upon Lt Torres.

Lt Torres was hardworking and efficient. She had taught him a lot of engineering knowledge over the last 2.4 years and was an excellent teacher. Since becoming stranded in the delta quadrant he had been rather isolated from this erratic crew, but Lt Torres had always been welcoming and understanding.

Random chance conspired in his favour, and the very next day he was working with Lt Torres the next day. At the end of the shift they were doing, he approached her.

'Have we completed our preparations to your satisfaction?' he enquired.

'We're done here, yes,' she responded.

'Let me take this opportunity to declare _Koon-ut so'lik_, my desire to become your mate.'

Vorik looked at her expectantly. This was a big moment in his life, but there was no reason to be suppressing anxiety, as there was no logical reason she would refuse. However, she merely seemed confused. He wondered if he had been unclear in his meaning.

'What?' she responded.

'In human terms, I am proposing marriage. Do you accept?'

'Uh…this is a little sudden, isn't it? Besides, I thought that Vulcan marriages were arranged? Don't you already have someone back home?'

Now he understood her confusion – she had merely believed him already paired up to this point. This should be a simple enough confusion to clear up.

'She has sufficient reason to consider me lost, and has most likely chosen another mate. It is appropriate for me to do the same.'

'and you've chosen…me.'

'I've come to greatly admire not only your impressive technical skills, but also your bravery and sense of moral duty. All excellent qualities in a prospective mate.'

'But you're Vulcan. I am half Klingon.' She laughed 'I really can't imagine…'

Vorik did not understand what was humorous, but he sensed he would have to convince her of the value of his proposition.

'Perhaps we are not an obvious match however, our differences would complement each other. You've often expressed frustration with your Klingon temper; my mental discipline would help you control it, further more…'

'Wait,..please,please …urm. I see that you've given this a lot of, urm, logical thought, and urm… I really am very flattered. But my answer is no.'

Vorik felt crushed. Disappointed. He pushed the feeling away, looking down at the floor. He felt hurt and humiliated. He didn't know what to do.

'I'm sorry' B'elanna said, walking away.

Anger started building inside him. He had to do something. He would prove to her his worthiness as a mate.

'B'elanna, you may wish to reconsider. Your choices are already limited to the 76 male crewmembers on the ship, some of whom are already unavailable.'

'I'll worry about my choices myself, thank you.'

Vorik was feeling frantic now.

'I should also remind you that many humanoid species are unable to withstand Klingon mating practices…'

The doors slid open and someone else approached.

'Hey, she said no, now back off.'

This was Lt Paris, the helmsman. Vorik felt really strange. This was all going wrong and he was becoming over emotional.

Lt Paris came over to Vorik who really did not know what to do about this. He just stood there, frozen, until Lt Paris tried to walk past him to B'elanna. Vorik knew he could not allow this and moves to intercept him.

Tom shoved Vorik out of the way.

So Vorik broke his nose, with a quick blow to the face.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

In sickbay, Tom was having his nose fixed by the doctor.

'He hit me! The crazy son of a bitch hit me!' Said Tom, sitting on a biobed with a bloody nose.

'Well he proposed to me. That's even weirder.' B'elanna countered.

'But hitting me wasn't very Vulcan, was it?' responded Tom.

'You're both working under the misconception that Vulcans don't have emotions' said the doctor 'they do. They just 'supress them' and don't allow themselves to experience them.' He sighed 'Ensign Vorik clearly has a crush on you. He tried to ask you out the 'Vulcan' way, and was hurt when you rejected him. It happens. And hitting Tom is perfectly logical in any situation.'

'This is going to make Engineering awkward.' Said B'elanna 'We have to do the plasma manifolds together tomorrow, and it'll be just us in a Jefferies tube for hours on end. What if he asks me again, or wants reasons?'

'Well, I took a punch for you before, and I'll do it again.' Said Tom, as the doctor finished fixing his nose and he jumped down from the table 'And anyway, I came to invite you to the Luau that the ship is having in a couple of weeks. Just me and you. A little less forward than a proposal, but still.'

'So no more Delaney twins?' said B'elanna

'No more Delaney twins.' Said Tom with a smile as they left sickbay together 'And tomorrow you can tell Vorik that's why you won't marry him, because you're dating me.'

As it happened, she couldn't. Ensign Vorik applied for and was granted, annual leave.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

On the first day of his annual leave he had tried to work out, and conquer, whatever had made him react with such violence towards another being. He had pursued – literally pursued – Lt Torres, despite her clear answer to his question, and Lt Paris was correct to intervene. What could have left him feeling so out of control and unsettled as to invoke physical violence?

By the first night he had his answer. Pon Farr. It was a struggle to even admit the possibility to himself. While yes, he was slightly younger than average to enter into this stage, and his body was not changing in the way gossip from rebellious school children would suggest, he felt an illogical longing for his homestead on Vulcan. It felt most unsettling to remain in his quarters. He wanted to go home. He wanted to go home now.

If he were at home, it would be now that he would be further informed of biological matters, by his father or another male elder. He would be married and everything would be fine. But what to do now he was alone in the delta quadrant?

He had been informed by his parents that, in time, this would occur, his hormones would become imbalanced, and that he must return home for this to be rectified. To not do so would mean his death. Vorik took a deep breath to centre himself after he thought about that bit. He knew his mother's cousin had died when he had encountered this in the Forge, and was unable to return in time.

He also knew culturally, that while taking a mate was the preferred method, there were two others; fighting and meditation.

If he were to fight, the violence involved may disrupt the hormones involved somehow. This was the kunut kal ifee an ancient tradition, exceptionally rarely invoked by modern Vulcans. The level of violence involved was such that one, or even both of the participants would be likely to die. He couldn't use this method. He wouldn't kill someone; and with no mate he could receive no challenge.

He doubted that he would find a mate in the time allotted. If Lt Torres, the female he was closest to, refused his proposal, why would another crewmember agree? A human would logically need much persuasion, as they would be injured during the mating process. He understood human courtship to be excessively long and perplexing, steeped in alien rituals and ancient customs. Some botanical specimens were used to represent hidden meanings, special tones of voice were used in discussion, and Vorik didn't know how to do that. He wished that for once they would just act logically about something. He had heard that negotiations would usually take 2 -7 years before an agreement for marriage could be reached. This option would not work.

His only option was meditation. It would have to suffice.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Vorik felt worse; much worse, in fact. Alone, in his quarters with a tiny little meditation lamp his only light source, he had sat, crosslegged on the floor in a blue meditation robe, until he could sit no more.

For the last two days he had tried to achieve the calm he so sought. He had tried every exercise he had been taught to clear his mind of his burning desire – a simple emotion after all – and none of it had made any difference.

He felt weak, shakey, nauseous. He couldn't concentrate. His head hurt. He lay on his side, on the floor, with his knees up to his chest. Too tired to try any more. Too sick. Tears streaming down his face because this hurt, every moment was like fire and he couldn't stop shaking and because he was scared.

He was so very scared.

Drenched in sweat with the beating of his pulse in his ears he retched up stomach acid onto the floor, getting half of it in his already sticky hair.

He wrapped his arms around his abdomen as he doubled over in pain.

The room seemed surreal somehow. He could see the meditation lamp, burnt out and knocked over, move back and forth. His ear felt wet. He touched it and found his hand came back emerald green with blood. He knew he was dying.

And for that he felt angry.

Rage burned inside him. Why should he have to die? He should have nearly 2 centuries left to live but he was dying alone, 70,000 light years from his home.

Because Voyager was not his home. They were not his friends. They laughed at him when he didn't understand them. They left him isolated and alone. They didn't help him when he needed them.

He hated them in that moment. They would pay for this.

With the last of his strength he pulled himself up against the wall to the console, and initiated a site to site beam out.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

He materialised and immediately fell to the floor. As he lay catching his breath he saw plants?... and a sprinkler system. It was bright here, with spotlights on the ceiling.

He realised that instead of Engineering, his planned destination, he was in hydroponics. He must have typed the coordinates wrong.

He couldn't see anyone here, but he couldn't get up to go look. A pain shot down his side and he cried out.

And then there was someone beside him. Thick, light blonde hair tumbled down her shoulders in waves. She had pale skin and dark glasses, hiding pale brown eyes. A human crewmember; she wore the yellow uniform of engineering or maintenance, but Vorik didn't recognise her. To him she just looked exquisite. She had the single pip of an Ensign, and was shaking his shoulders, leaning over him, saying something, but Vorik couldn't work out what.

He grabbed her combadge and threw it against the wall with all his strength. The metal components broke apart and clattered uselessly against the metal deck plaiting.

Then he grabbed her uniform and pinned her to the floor.

She screamed so he covered her mouth. He was on top of her. She was at his mercy and it felt so good. His cock grew hard as he pressed down on her. A growl escaped his lips.

But still she struggled on. She was shoving him and scratching him and kicking him. All he wanted was to touch her mind, and body, and be with her so completely but how could he do this if he had to use his hands to stop her shouting out?

Take her now, his dark side commanded. Now. Put your interests first!

He slammed her head against the metal deck plating. Clang. Again. Clang. Again. Clang.

She went still, and felt floppy in his arms. Her eyes were shut. He layed her sleeping form down before him, and was finally able to touch her mind – after all those days of yerning – as deep red liquid slowly pooled on the hydroponics bay floor.

He felt her thoughts, oddly quiet and calm, sit in the back of his mind as he removed her uniform. He marvelled at her naked form laid out before him, nuzzled up on top of her and sank inside, his rhythm becoming faster and faster until he exploded inside her. Relief at last.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

At 09:47 hours Vorik awoke in his quarters. He felt calm and settled, an agreeable state to be in. He realised he was on the floor of his quarters, covered by a bed sheet, but otherwise completely naked, except for one sock, half on and half off his right foot.

This was most unusual. And most puzzling. The last thing he recalled was meditating to alleviate his 'time' as he had self-diagnosed it, and as his mental state was now good, the exercise must have been a success.

'Computer, lights on,'

His quarters were also in a state of extreme disarray. His bookshelf was overturned with all the books on the floor. His meditation lamp lay on its side where it had burned a hole of 1.9 cm diameter into his floor covering. His bed sheets were on the floor, as was his meditation robe.

This was also most puzzling. He couldn't recal the reason for the existence of this disarray, but decided he must have caused it while unwell. He resolved to produce order from chaos. To 'tidy up' as the humans called it, though Vorik did not understand the reference to a change in height.

He picked up his meditation robe and realised the blue fabric was wet with red blood. Human blood. And he remembered where he had been, and what he had done. He dropped the robe in shock.

He was a killer. A murderer. A violent rapist.

He dressed quickly and proceeded to the brig.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

As Ensign Vorik walked to the the Brig, he tried to steady himself. Calm, he thought to himself, just walk calmly. It would be better to analyse this situation at a later date. When a killer like you is safely in custody, his inner voice commented. Vorik agreed with that statement.

When he thought about it, he was unaware of what he should think. The memories felt unreal, as if they were from long ago or another place, but they were his, and pertained to only yesterday.

Surak had taught his people that the only way was peace. This was sacrosanct, and to die for peace, if necessary, was to be expected. Surak himself had died from radiation poisoning received trying to prevent yet another nuclear war unfolding on his homeworld. Vorik had failed in fulfilling his primary teachings. Somewhere, deep in his subconscious, he had chosen to place his life above that of another. If he was not in control of his subconscious, he was not in control. And it had cost another her life.

If it were possible to go back, I would, he thought. For a moment he thought about just that, as if just by wishing it so he could go back and intercept his past self, or warn his past self of events about to unfold. He terminated this line of reasoning; it is highly illogical to dwell on the imposible.

He entered the security office and calmly stated to the officer present

'You should arrest me, as I have committed a great crime.'


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Commander Tuvok sat in his security office attempting to centre his thoughts. His security team was shocked by a vicious assault on a member of their own, and he suspected he knew the reason behind such atrocity. He suspected the usually calm and rational Ensign who sat in the brig may have been affected by the Pon farr.

He had asked the Doctor to come and take scans, to be sure it was not some external factor, but at this juncture it was the most probable explanation.

He would have to interview the Ensign. The ships records showed that preceding the attack that morning Ensign Vorik had spent 3 days on annual leave, and as it was unusual for a Vulcan to take such leave, he could safely assume Ensign Vorik had taken said leave to attempt to regain control through meditation. Such a method would have been unlikely to have been successful for even an experienced master, and was truly the last resort. A fable told to prevent the inevitable worry that one would not arrive home in time. But Ensign Vorik could not have gone home. The Ensign had been in a truly unenviable situation.

His situation, he realised. He had roughly 4 or 5 years until his time came again, and he was 70 years from Vulcan and his wife, T'Pel. He would not take another, of that he was certain. His only hope remained in trusting his Captain to manage the highly improbable. Or else his 'days were numbered' as well.

However, that did not lessen the seriousness of the crime. Ensign Goretti lay in sick bay, with a ventilator maintaining her breathing, having just completed surgery for a sub-dural haematoma. The surgery had gone badly and the likelihood of her surviving for much longer remained bleak. The horror of her situation, and of what she must have experienced, was truly unimaginable.

On Vulcan, such crimes did not occur. Everyone was married; to not be so would be unthinkable. For the few who fate conspired against, the temples would provide shelter. Such acts belonged in times of old, before the awakening. Surak's first teaching was to abhor violence. From the mind, the katra and the subconscious soul. The young ensign was just a boy, and had clearly not yet achieved this.

He walked out of his office and entered the brig.

Ensign Vorik was sitting cross legged on the floor, attempting to centre himself. He turned and looked up at the commander. He had a data pad at his feet. There were dark circles around his eyes, which were red and a little wet. He looked far from serene.

'I have completed a confession, commander.' The ensign spoke quietly, with clear emotion in his voice. He held the pad up for the commander to take.

The commander read the first few paragraphs of the confession, stopping before it continued to the actual assault. Ensign Goretti was a friend and colleague; there would be time to study the more shocking aspects of this case later.

The commander asked the guard present to leave, and sat down on the bench in the cell. He motioned for the ensign to join him. What he planned to discuss broke every taboo, but would also be considered what commander Chacotay would call 'pastoral care'.

And suddenly he realised he did not know what to say.

He looked at the young Vulcan, eyes plagued with guilt and upset, hair ruffled and unclean, and simply stated

'It would be logical for you to rest, for I presume you have not done so for several days.'

And with that the commander turned and left.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Ensign Vorik was attempting to clear his mind enough for sleep. He did not deserve rest, but he was tired, and his remaining awake served no purpose. He recalled a human expression – 'Sleep, Macbeth doth murder sleep' – that fit his situation well. Humans could show impressive insight, though sleep was not a mortal being.

The guard, stationed next to his cell with a phase rifle, came over.

'Don't you have anything to say, you Sadist.' the guard stated, the disgust in his voice only evident to all who heard it. Vorik didn't know what to say, so merely stared at the floor.

'Answer me, you coward.' The man continued.

'I have stated my sequence of events. There is no logic in repeating it.' He did not want to have to reiterate what he had done. The guilt was crushing but he had to remain in control.

'Did you know Ellie? The girl you've all but killed' The guard sounded very angry; his gaze bore into Vorik who continued to look down at the floor.

'No, sir' the young vulcan responded

'I did. She was a smart, hardworking and irreplaceable member of this security team. She did her duty and beyond in every situation she encountered.'

Voriks eyes filled with tears as he fought for control. This explains as to why she was unfamiliar, he thought, as we worked on different teams and have different shifts. A tear formed and fell to the ground. Vorik did not try to hide the display of emotion, the stimulus seemed sufficient. It made the emotions even stronger to imagine her as an individual, with friends and relations. He deserved this pain, and more.

The guard noted the display, and continued.

'I knew you couldn't be a real Vulcan.'

'On that we concur' stated Vorik.

'Her condition is deteriorating. Soon you'll be a murderer. And we'll make sure justice is served.'

'I understand, sir' the young Vulcan said with tears in his eyes. He couldn't begin to fathom what he had done.

'You disgust me,' The guard spat at him, but this was a short sighted gesture. The spittle merely hit the force field and frazzled for a moment. He turned and left

Vorik sat on the floor and regained his control. He thought about Ms Goretti, and the doctors efforts to save her. There was a chance she might live. He hoped she might live, his dearest hope that she would at least have a future. He composed himself, thought of the temple of Amonak, and said a silent prayer.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

15 hours later, the doctor came and took some scans. He did not comment on anything but the results, but his demeanour informed Vorik that he felt contempt. After he left Vorik decided to try to get some sleep.

He lay down on the narrow cot and shut his eyes. His muscles ached in protest, and he knew he was tired. Despite his meditation his thoughts were not peaceful, but he began a calming mantra. Soon he was drifting off to the calm void of sleep…

He saw her spin around and face him, her body inches away. She flung her hands out to protect herself and screamed the most harrowing scream…

Vorik sat bolt upright and tried to get his breathing under control. Nightmares. Odd that he would be afraid of her, he thought, or is it that I am afraid of seeing how scared she is of me?

He lay down to think of his options. If a full day of meditation would not prevent the dreams, there was little point in increasing his efforts. If his victim were able to scream, she would, because of what he had done to her. He could not forget that. He lay down and tried to fall asleep…

She was huddled in a corner, crying, begging him to leave her alone.

'Please don't hurt me, …. please, please don't hurt me….'

Vorik just stood there sobbing pitifully.

'I'm sorry' he cried 'I'm so so sorry…'

He opened his eyes and was immediately awake. It was still dark, so he had not slept long. He was too tired to keep track of time internally.

He sat down to meditate. Necessary or not, sleep was too painful.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Commander Tuvok read the report written by the overnight guard. Ensign Vorik had only slept for a few brief periods, and was now meditating with weakened posture. He was clearly exhausted. He walked over to the cell. The younger Vulcan stood to attention, his eyes dark and his eyelids drooping.

'Ensign, why did you not rest last night?' the commander enquired.

'I attempted to sir, but I was emotionally compromised.'

'Rest may have helped your efforts in control; you cannot meditate effectively if exhausted. I suggest you rest now, Ensign.'

The younger Vulcan looked slightly troubled at that thought.

'You misunderstand. I did not remain awake seeking a deeper calm. I was unable to sleep due to' he hesitated 'nightmares, sir.' Vorik set his expression back to the correct form and looked his superior in the eye.

Commander Tuvok recalled the early stages of the time well, though he had never experienced the later phases. He could well understand why such pain would cause distress in sleep.

'Then I shall arrange for you to be sedated.' Commander Tuvok responded.

'No' was Voriks quick reply. Too loud and too harsh he belatedly realised. Calm, he thought. He needed to convince the other Vulcan of the logic of his argument, but there was no logical reason for him not to sleep. He simply added 'please.'

'This is not up for debate, Ensign.' The older Vulcan said sternly 'You are exhausted and need to rest.'

Lt Paris arrived with a hypospray of sedative. He handed it to Commander Tuvok, glared at Vorik, and left without saying a word. Commander Tuvok pressed the hypospray to the neck of the younger Vulcan, and he was asleep in seconds.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

He realised he was back in the same room he was in for his previous nightmares, a large cargo bay, but without any cargo, merely silver walls, and the occasional computer console or Jefferies tube. He couldn't see Ms Goretti. Then he heard a sniff from behind him. He slowly turned around. She was sitting in the far corner of the room, with a small blue blanket covering her knees. She was dressed in her security officers' uniform, untarnished, with her blonde hair flowing over her shoulders. She held her glasses in her hands, and appeared to have been crying recently. She watched him, clearly frightened.

Vorik walked over to the other side of the cargo bay and sat down. It was agreeable that his minds interpretation of her was calmer with his presence, and indeed, agreeable to be getting rest, as he had been exceptionally tired. He saw that Ms Goretti was watching him. Not wanting to stare at her, and with little else to observe in the bare environment, he shut his eyes to see if sleep was possible within a dream.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Captain Janeway was sitting on her couch in her ready room. She looked down at the pad in her hand, then up to her chief of Security standing in front of her.

'So he handed himself in. It looks like an open and closed case.' She said, looking up at Commander Tuvok.

The whole incident had shocked the crew to the core. Suder was well known to have been a loner, and to have had violent tendencies; it was why he was such a successful Marqui. But Vorik, this had really scared people. If anyone would have described him before this, they would have said shy, quiet, calm, logical. This was just so unthinkable.

'It is not, Captain.' The security officer stated, his expression unreadable.

'Oh.' She said, encouraging him to continue.

'Ensign Vorik was… unwell when he committed the assault. I believe he should be tried with diminished responsibility.' The commander looked slightly embarrassed when he said that. She had known him for over 20 years now. She knew that there was a lot more to this than he was saying.

'Why don't you sit down and explain this to me?' she said gently. He sat, but did not look her in the eye, instead looking across to some unknown point on the other side of the room. She could tell he was really uncomfortable.

'We do not speak of this, even among ourselves. It is taboo.' He stated. 'I assume you are aware of the mating practices of Earths salmon.'

Now that was confusing. What on earth could this situation have to do with fish thousands of light-years away?

'The fish are driven to return to the river in which they were sporned in order to propagate their species. The salmon have no choice in this matter; they are controlled by their instincts.' He sighed 'Vulcans are similarly affected.'

'So Vulcans have an instinct to marry someone from their home?' She stated. This helped explain how insular their society was, but not why a young woman was lying in sickbay.

'I mean to imply that Vulcans have an instinct to mate. Every 7 years, we experience the irresistible urge to mate. The doctor has confirmed that at the time of the incident, Ensign Vorik, was experiencing this… urge.'

'So that excuses him from raping and nearly killing someone who has a fraction of his strength? How can you be sitting there excusing him?' The Captain was really upset by this. This assault had happened in their home, by someone they thought was their friend, and her security officer, who usually put crewmen on an official report for un-shined shoes, was defending him.

'I am not saying that it is an excuse. I am saying that perhaps it could be taken into account in sentencing? He admitted his guilt and is remorseful.'

'No, Tuvok, it can't.' The captain continued 'How would that be justice? If she wakes up I want to be able to tell her she is safe aboard this ship, and that her attacker is being punished. I plan to throw the book at him.'

Tuvok turned to finally look at the captain, his face the same blanket calmness it always was.

'Why do you wish to delay the trial?' He enquired.

'Because the Doctor informs me that if poor Ensign Goretti doesn't come off the ventilator by midday tomorrow, he will test her brainstem and most likely withdraw life support. And Vorik will be facing a murder charge.' The captain felt sad at that. She had really hoped that the girl would wake up, but it looked like hope was wearing thin.

Commander Tuvok looked over to the door. Their secret sign.

'Dismissed' she said.

He nodded and left. She walked over to the replicator.

'Coffee, black.'


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Vorik was discovering that even with lucid dreaming, it was not possible to fall asleep in a dream.

He had decided that he must have developed some form of visualisation of his guilt, as to why his victim was sleeping across the room from him. He had heard of the pilots of shuttlecrafts seeing individuals which perished in accidents, how much more then, should he see her, when he had chosen to leave his room to hurt her. To hunt her.

However, in the 9 hours he had been dreaming for, he had become used to her presence, and now only felt calm alongside his guilt, opposed to the crushing sense of panic and loss of control he had felt before. He anticipated a life of feeling guilt, one of the hardest emotions to repress.

Ms Goretti stirred and awoke. Vorik looked away.

'You're still here then.' She said, aggressively. 'Why are you still here?'

Vorik turned and looked at her. He was not expecting an emotionally induced delusion to be so complex, but clearly he stood corrected.

'I was given a sedative, coupled with neurological exhaustion I expect to sleep for at least 16 hours, possibly more.'

She looked confused, and then continued 'Why are you here? Have you taken me prisoner? Why can't I leave?' She was showing notable distress and apprehension. It was disagreeable to see her upset.

'This is a dream. However one in which the door and other detailing is not usable. I am unsure why.'

That just made her angry.

'No, you brought me here. You attacked me, and then…., and then you locked me in here. You did this.'

Vorik felt tears well up behind his eyes. He did not mean for this to happen, but yes, he was responsible.

'I apologise, Ensign.' He said 'I really am very sorry.' And with that the tears fell. He put his hands over his eyes to hide the shame and let them fall. It was his dream, after all, so he would allow himself this emotional indulgence.

Ensign Goretti merely watched him and thought of how odd he really did look. Seeing a Vulcan cry just jarred, it wasn't something you would come across.

She remembered why she had walked over to him in the first place. She had been making her rounds, checking the ship was safe, late at night, when she heard someone scream, as if in pain. She had entered the hydroponics bay, seen him lying on the floor, and gone over.

Part of her blamed herself. If she had just been more careful with her personal safety, called sickbay before approaching, or called for back-up. She suspected he was sick, but she never thought he could be dangerous, or that she could get hurt. She had been so stupid.

'Why did you do it?' she asked him when the tears finally stopped. Her voice was calm and gentle. Every reminder felt like a knife in his chest being turned, and he questioned the sanity of the more emotional species that chose to live like this continually, but he held onto his calm.

'I was experiencing a condition called the pon farr. In Vulcans, every 7 years we experience the urge to mate. We can no longer think rationally, and are controlled by our more basic instincts. It is not an excuse; I chose my life over yours and that was wrong. If I had more self-control I would have remained in my quarters.' He sighed 'I cannot alter that, only accept my punishment when it is decided, and know that my incarceration is for the good of society.' Vorik knew that the issue was not if he would be incarcerated, but where. It would be agreeable to be permitted his quarters that he would have some option to contribute to the ships operations, as crewman Suder did with horticulture.

'What do you mean, you chose your life over mine?' she enquired, with a hint of concern in her voice.

'The pon farr is fatal to a Vulcan who does not mate. I chose to leave my quarters in order to live. I knew what I would do if I encountered a female; I left with that intention. And now you are lying in a coma in sickbay, because I chose wrong. I should have died. I was so selfish, I did not think of the consequences.'

'I'm in a coma in sickbay?' she queried him.

'Indeed. Though as you are a part of my subconscious, you need not worry.'

'Oh' she said. After that they sat in silence for a bit.

Then there was a cracking sound, and Ensign Goretti was gone.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

When Vorik awoke, the men guarding him looked sad. One human female was sitting at a desk in tears. Vorik wondered as to the cause of their distress.

Commander Tuvok walked over to him, carrying a tray of nourishment. The security team glared at their chief, who naturally, showed no response to this. He entered Voriks cell and placed the tray on the bunk, next to where Vorik now sat.

'It is 14 hundred and 24 hours, you have slept for over 28 hours. Do you feel rested?' the older Vulcan said.

'Yes sir.' The younger Vulcan responded, before continuing ' Sir, what has caused distress among your security team? They seem upset.'

The commander sat on the opposite end of the bunk to Vorik.

'Today Ensign Goretti was assessed for signs of life. She showed none. When the sedatives were withdrawn she suffered a seizure. Tonight her friends and colleagues will say goodbye, and at 0900 hours she will be allowed to die.'

Vorik just looked shocked. He paled and looked down at his feet, bringing his knees up to his chest on the bunk. He felt sick. He did not want this to be true, but knew his doubt of the Commanders words was illogical.

The commander left him alone.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The Captain, both Commanders and the doctor were assembled in sickbay. The body before them was deathly pale, breathing in perfect time with a little bleeping machine.

The doctor turned the machine off, and removed the tube that protruded from the young woman's mouth. Everything was still.

The Captain closed her eyes. Commander Tuvok had steeled his face especially still for the occasion.

And then she took a breath. Machines bleeped and the doctor sprang into action.

She was alive.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The ship was buzzing with the news that not only did Ellie Goretti not die, she was now awake. People went about their duties with a spring in their step, did doubles without complaining and smiled continuously. Most people said it was a miracle. The doctor said there is still a lot we don't know about the brain.

Ensign Goretti had asked to speak to the Captain, with Ensign Vorik and after 4 days of rest, she was well enough for a short meeting.

The Captain approached her with a smile. Ensign Vorik was in handcuffs, escorted by two security guards, one either side, and Commander Tuvok. The Doctor thought this was all highly irregular.

She was sitting up on a biobed with a cortical monitor on, and a computer of some form next to her, reading from a pad. She noticed the party's approach.

'Hello Captain, hello everyone.' The security team flashed her smiles, and stopped a few metres short of her bed. The captain went right up to her side.

'Hello Ensign, how are you feeling?'

'Bored mostly, I've been just sitting around for days. But I'm getting better, so I'll be back to my duties soon.'

'Don't you even think about it until you are fully recovered. Security can cope, they're just so relieved you're ok. Now, what were you so eager to discuss?' the captain said.

'It wasn't Ensign Vorik's fault.' Tuvok and Vorik exchanged a glance.

'It was his fault, Ensign, it was all his fault.' Said the Captain quietly and calmly, not wanting to get the Ensign upset 'you mustn't blame yourself for something someone else did.'

'He would have died, Captain. He wasn't thinking straight, he was dying and he did what he could to prevent that from happening. He shouldn't be punished; I was just unlucky is all.'

The captain looked down at her, confused.

'Can you explain?'

'I was doing my security rounds. I heard someone shout out in pain, and went to investigate. I found Vorik lying on the floor, in agony, so I went to see if he was ok. He was struggling to breathe, covered in sweat and burning up.' She paused 'Yes, what happened next was absolutely terrifying, and I'm still really angry at him, and the universe and everything,… but he was dying, Captain. Vulcans have this thing, called the Pon farr, and it kills them otherwise. He really had no other choice.'

'But how do you know that?' asked the Captain, a little stunned. This wasn't how she expected this talk would go. She had no idea why the girl had wanted to see her attacker, but this she certainly didn't expect.

'When I was in my comma, I had a dream. I dreamt I was locked in a cargo bay, and then Vorik was there. He explained all this, and was really sorry and really apologetic to me. He thought I was his dream, so I think was a bit more open with me than Vulcans usually are with people.' Ensign Goretti looked at her chief and continued 'Commander Tuvok says, because I was injured, the telepathy thing that Vulcans do when they, urm.. have sex,… it remained longer than it should have. But it's stopped now.' She looked at Vorik, and gave the man a small smile 'Honestly Captain, he regrets what he has done, and he's apologised to me, so he should be forgiven now.'

Commander Tuvok raised an incredulous eyebrow.

Vorik faltered. It seemed incredulous that she would say that; she should hate him. He paced his breathing. Did she really mean what she had said?

She looked at him.

'Vorik, it's ok. You're alive and I'm alive; all is well that ends well. I forgive you.'

Vorik felt a world of peace descend into his Katra. She really forgave him. Truly. He was getting overwhelmed (this had happened unacceptably often in the last 9 days, but the emotional stimulus had been high). It felt as if a gentle warmth was now inside of him, and he could be at peace. It was very soothing.

'Thank you,' he choked out, before turning his eyes to the floor. While in handcuffs he could not hide the emotion, but he felt Commander Tuvok would not judge him for this. They had become much closer over the past few days.

'But what would you have me do, Ensign?'

'You should just let him go. I forgive him, the justice system should too.' A solitary tear streaked down the restraigned Vulcans face, which the Captain thought was just about the strangest sight ever 'Can't you treat this thing Vulcans have as another 'delta quadrant problem', rather than punishing Vorik himself?' The ensign continued 'Make some regulations up. If anyone has a problem with it they can come and have it out with me.'

'I shall have to think about this, Ensign. Now, I do believe the doctor wanted us to keep this short, so we'll let you rest for now.'

The captain straightened up and helped the young Ensign lie back down, before leading the party out. A tiny smile lay on Ensign Vorik's lips as he was led back into the brig.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The ship was celebrating. After 3 weeks in sickbay, Ellie Goretti was fully recovered. The captain had decided to remove Vorik's rank, and given crewman Vorik 6 months confinement to his quaters, though he recalibrated broken triquaters, so still contributed to the ship.

The captain had decided upon a regulation that any Vulcan who wished to attempt to meditate away their pesky biology, was required to inform security, and sickbay. Commander Tuvok felt it was most improper that such a regulation would exist, and silently prayed his captain would return the ship to the alpha quadrant before it was ever needed. The captain had also informed the entire crew, as per the weekly notices, precisely why Crewman Vorik was given a shorter sentence. He was mortified.

Having served his time, he was attending the ship luau. All of the crew had packed into holodeck one and was chatting merrily. He was now standing with Commander Tuvok, in the only quiet corner of the room. They were in the only quiet corner, as no-one would go near him, let alone speak to him.

Ellie herself sat with Harry, B'Elanna and Tom, with pineapple themed drinks in their hands, lovingly prepared by Neelix. Ellie was trying to end the forced isolation of her attacker, who really was kinda sweet, in his normal state.

'Someone has to cross the line.' Ellie said 'And I don't see why it has to be me. Can't you go B'Elanna? You work with him every day.'

'Come on B'Elanna. I'll go with you.' offered Tom, and they walked across the room, getting a few curious stares on the way.

'So, nice party, huh.' B'Elanna said to the two Vulcans whose conversation she had just joined 'Is it sunny like this on Vulcan?'

'Vulcan's average surface temperature exceeds this by 26.4'C, however, it does not have the humidity factor that Earths climate does.' Crewman Vorik supplied. He had decided, that when his crewmates accepted him again, he would make friends. Humans can be highly agreeable creatures. And hopefully, within the next 6.5 years, learn sufficient romance to negotiate a wife. Discussing Earths atmosphere with his chief would be a good first step, and would help his interactions in engineering as well.

'So I have a joke for you.' Said Tom 'It's about Vulcans.'

'Is this an appropriate joke, Lieutenant?' enquired Commander Tuvok. There had been plenty of inappropriate jokes regarding their neurochemistry.

'Well I'm not really sure, as I didn't get it. But I think it's ok.' The helmsman replied 'So three Vulcans walk into a bar, and the barman says 'Would you all like a drink?'. The first Vulcan says 'I don't know.' The second Vulcan says 'I don't know.' The third Vulcan says 'Yes.' '

B'Elanna started giggling.

Slowly everything was getting back to normal.

The end.


End file.
